What "Holding Space" Means to Me as a Doula
I’m an incredibly inspired Birth Doula who gets the innate honor of serving families in and around an hour of the Dallas, Texas area. I own my own business, Birthing B, LLC and am also part of the wonderful doula agency, BEST Dallas Doulas or better known as, Great Expectations Birth.
I’m a mom of two, with very different birth stories - and I will never forget the feelings I experienced throughout my labors. The most notable one, is the feeling of being totally alone in my surrendering of the intensity and anticipation of what was to come: transition, pushing, crowning. The fear of actually being responsible for my own child that I was about to bring into this world. These are all different highlights in my memory that serve me as a doula and that I bring to the births I attend.
“Holding space” to me is being emotionally connected to what someone is feeling - physically, mentally, spiritually.
Touch.
An important skill that we either naturally have or need to learn as doulas is the understanding of when and how to touch a birthing person. Reading my client’s body language, listening to them during a contraction or wave is one of the first things I do upon arrival. Sometimes it’s holding their hands, bringing their heads to your shoulder, wiping their tears. If I see my client raising their shoulders I may gently place my hands on their shoulders to remind them to release this tension. A person’s body language and facial expressions through birth gives you at least half of the story when deciding how to best support them.
I truly believe that birth is a magical, transformational experience; whether it’s unmedicated at home or medicated at a hospital. My clients experience an array of different emotions during their births; some are happy ones, some are fearful. Most are empowering.
Sitting with it.
There have been times where perhaps we were told unexpectedly that our plan needed changing (after true medical indications), and we could no longer continue laboring and birthing the way that my client had envisioned. There have been times where we were told “no” when making a pretty reasonable request like getting in the shower for pain management (most often in hospitals). There have been times where everything is going perfectly but my client experiences a seriously emotional roadblock often due to a past trauma.
Birth can bring up all kinds of things from the past - past sexual trauma, physical trauma, childhood memories, extreme heartache for those who have left us and everything in between. The mind/body connection is fascinating in that they are intertwined line none other during birth. You physically will not open and dilate (or it will be extremely long and painful) if you are carrying something heavy mentally. It is my job and promise as your doula to be there for you emotionally with whatever it may be.
I always tell my clients that birth is 95% mental. If you allow your mind to take over, you’ll be facing an uphill battle. Sometimes talking through a past experience or crying it out in the moment or even praying over it gets my client over the bridge they needed to cross for labor to progress.
“The only way out is through. ”
It is crucial to me that my clients open up and help me to understand these sensitive feelings they are experiencing during birth, although most times my intuition and training gets me there without vocalization. You see, my doula clients end up feeling like friends after a while. We cultivate this birth-team relationship during pregnancy by in-person visits, phone calls, social media and emails. I must say that I have attended births where I have never met the client before (I was called in as a back-up doula once they were in labor) and even in those where we had limited time to form a bond - and never failed to make that connection. We are all human. We desire touch, love, and understanding. It is shared among every single human being on this earth.
Reassurance.
I believe in you. YOU CAN DO THIS!
I have served many different families and have seen many different variations of the birthing process- unmedicated vaginal births, emergency and planned c-sections, epidural births- but one thing that all of them have in common is the need for a reassuring presence. I am your cheerleader, I am there with my entire being and focused on nothing but your success - I am invested in your birth. I hold space for you and come to you with an open heart and mind.
It is an honor to get to do a “job” that allows me to support families during their most precious moments in life - I learn so much from every single person I have serve. The love for our children is the single most powerful love we will ever experience and I believe it transforms us as people. The journey into motherhood is a sacred one - no matter how you have your children - and being able to support people through it is a calling that truly fulfills me. Getting to hold your sacred space with you is truly an honor.
If you’re pregnant or planning on getting pregnant and interested in birth, postpartum or lactation services and live in the Dallas, Texas area - fill out a consultation form and I look forward to connecting!
*These pictures were taken by:
Lila at
*This birth took place at:
*All photos are shared with permission by the family.